Comments on: Financial Infidelity

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 02:20:13 +0000

Dave -

I can only say I wish I’d seen this message 15 years ago. In our case, I’m the one who keeps getting us into trouble, not out of a sense of entitlement, but out of a sense of embarrassment – I let things start to spin out of control and…well…

Fortunately, I’ve never gotten us farther *into* debt, but I’ve certainly hurt our credit rating as I’ve messed things up, and I’ve definitely impacted our savings over the years.

So speaking as somebody who is currently fighting this situation – thanks. You painted with a broad brush, and somehow you got a portrait of me in there. Any tips for digging myself out of it other than the first – ‘fess up (again), which has already been done?

Thanks!

By: Dave Ozment

Dave Ozment — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 15:12:43 +0000

Hey Lillie… it is interesting that you see so many folks trying to cover up their loose spending. How awful a situation for that person but also for their spouse. I simply can not imagine working so hard and trying to build a sense of financial security only to have it devastated by a spendthrift spouse…. but what is telling – or at least assumed – in my stance is that I am active in not only communicating but also creating the financial goals for our household. These shared goals and open communications establish accountability but also foster openness when one of us goes overboard every once in a while.

Having separate accounts and goals and accountabilities with no communication is a disaster and both parties are to blame. Household budgeting is a two player sport.

Thanks for commenting… I love the discussion!
Dave

By: Lillie

Lillie — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 16:50:43 +0000

Unfortunately, until couples learn how to communicate in areas, especially finances, there is going to be martial infidelity around. During the course of my job, I find that many spouses have gotten themselves in a financial fix and are seeking a way to keep the problem hidden. That of course, seldom works. The best policy is to be open and honest about finances even before marriage, including checking out credit reports, clearing up past problems, if necessary, and of course, being open and honest in financial discussions. I am no marriage counselor, but I bet if your tips were applied, it would certainly limit the opportunity and temptation for martial infidelity. Thanks for the timely article.
Lillie´s last blog ..Teen Credit: The good and bad that you need to know.

By: Dave Ozment

Dave Ozment — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 01:23:48 +0000

Thanks Steven, I appreciate the compliments. You know, some of my better writting comes towards the end of a ‘batch’ session. I’ll sometimes crank out 4 or 5 articles in just a couple days. When I’m in that flow the work just gets better. Too bad my day job keeps me from writting as much and often as I’d like. I might actually be pretty good at it.

Hey, good for you if you’ve had success in this area. That speaks highly of your relationship and the mutual respect in play there. And keeping that system on track is easier once those bounds or understandings are in place. I love the idea that a simple look can serve as a reality or accountability check. You guys must be doing great together.

Thanks for commenting… I really do appreciate the support.

Dave

By: Dave Ozment

Dave Ozment — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 01:18:41 +0000

Thanks Jeff. It is important to communicate and be on the same page… and to have that person keep you on that page with a spending tempation comes around.

Thanks for commenting,
Dave

By: steven@hundredgoals.com

steven@hundredgoals.com — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 16:03:05 +0000

The way you constructed this article is really great! It has a nice flow and carries a constant theme. One of your better articles to date, I can really see your writing evolving the more you do it! Bravo!

Now, onward to the question at hand. The honest answer, from my perspective, is never. Of course, I’ve only been with my girlfriend for 3 years now so the time frame for transgression is small compared to others. When there is a major purchase or financial decision to be made, we always discuss it, whether it is plane tickets to Iceland or whether to spend a couple hundred more on a new bed so that we can get the larger flat screen for “free”.

We budget our money to ensure that the bills are paid, on time and in full. We have a joint account to ensure any shared expenses such as food, utilities or rent come from that and we also have our own personal accounts which we use to make our personal purchases such as clothing or luxury goods (such as my recent iPod purchase). This method works for us the best. We don’t argue about money and talk freely about budgeting for upcoming expenses.

You are absolutely spot on that communication about money is probably the most important part of a healthy and happy relationship. Thankfully I am with a woman who shares my sense of thrift (for the most part) and we don’t go crazy with our purchases. Each is thought out and discussed and more times than not we end up not buying anything because we both look at each other with the “Really? Is that a ‘need’” eyes. Haha!!!

Great article Dave!
steven@hundredgoals.com´s last blog ..Cozumel, Mexico

By: Jeff

Jeff — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 15:44:21 +0000

Good article. I’ve been think about this subject for some time and have been seeing posting about over the last week. I have cheated too, but not for a while. We review our money together even though I’m usually the money driver. I just can seem to buy anything without talking to her first. By talking over our purchases, we’ve been able to NOT inpulse buy. Both of us are spenders and this seems to be the only way we can work together to pay off our debt.

I completely agree with the 3 steps. It is completely selfish to just buy something for the sake of buying it. Once you communicate with your spouse iftwill become clear to any objections they have. And the wiggle room is great because you can give and receive when it comes to the ruling on purchases (ie I’ll go along with this one if you cut me some slack on that one). Yes this could just be enabling, but with care you can make good choices with the money.
Jeff´s last blog ..How to Calculate Net Worth